Over the last couple of days, it has been getting warm enough outside to actually make it slightly uncomfortable in my apartment. I mean, it isn’t like it is unbearably hot, but has been getting warm enough that the nights have been slightly on the uncomfortable side. So, over the last couple nights I have taken to opening the windows just before I go to bed and closing them first thing in the morning when I wake up. It doesn’t do a whole lot for the temperature inside, but it does make more bearable while I am sleeping.
On the left you can see Saskatoon. On the right, you can’t really.
Last night, however, before I opened the windows, I checked the weather and found that they were forecasting a bit of smoke for the wildfires that have been raging up in the Northern parts of Saskatchewan. So, I stepped outside for a few minutes, checked that it wasn’t anything too bad and then decided to open the windows, risking that it might get worse. Apparently, over night it got worse. At about 6 in the morning (about 3 hours after went to bed), I woke up to the strongest campfire smell that I have ever experienced. Being cranky and tired, I decided to just shut my windows and go back to bed.
Some hours later, once I got enough sleep (7ish hours) to be functional human being again, I decided to get up and check just how bad the smoke from the wildfires actually was. When I looked out my window, I saw this feint orange-ish, yellow-ish cloud everywhere. It looked like some sort of toxic fog. It acted as a cloud, blocking out the direct sunlight that was steaming down on the city, and seemed to blanket everything with this yellow-ish dusty ash.
To someone who has lived in Saskatchewan for a long time, I am sure that something like this happening was nothing new. I mean, even last year there were a few days that smoke from regional wildfires drifted into town, but it was nothing like this. To me, this was new. It was fascinating, and a bit scary, but mostly it was new. So, I went outside for a few minutes (like literally 3) to look around in the smoke, then I came back inside and decided that I would do my best to stay out of it, if I can. I know that it isn’t likely to do anything too bad to me, especially if I am only out briefly, but I can’t imagine that breathing that stuff is good for the lungs. And, I can only imagine that running or biking in it would just be so much worse.
Earlier today, I did take some time today to read a bit about the fires that are happening out there at the moment. It would seem that the smoke that was blanketing the city today is coming off a massive forest/brush fire that is happening some 250-300 km away. But this fire is so big and it has been letting off so much smoke, that, apparently, the smoke can be tracked with weather satellites, and has travelled as far south as Kansas (some 1800 km away).
So, I know that it is likely wishful thinking with a fire this bad, but I hope that something changes tomorrow. Perhaps it will rain, or the wind will change, or something, and we will get another clear warm day, one that I can actually go outside and enjoy.
This is what the smoke looks like from space.
A broken tube
But the smoke wasn’t the only less than pleasurable thing that I ended up waking up to. :( In addition to that, I also woke up to find that my Internet was out. After spending some time waiting to make sure that it was actually a problem with the Internet and not, say, with my computer or my phone. I wandered upstairs quickly to restart the router. Having done this, I sat back downstairs and waited… and waited… and waited…
Nothing happened. The router connected, but the Internet was still down. So, I ran a few more diagnostics and concluded that something was going on at the ISP level.
Thankfully, at least my cellphone was able to hold a data connecitons, so I sat and talked to Patience for hours upon hours. Being stuck inside from the smoke and being without Internet to watch Netflix of practice French on Duolingo, I didn’t really know what else to do. Plus, it wasn’t like there weren’t things to talk about with Patience.
D/s Update: Dealing with a defensive Patience
Over the last couple of days, Patience has been seeming to slip out of her submissive role. Just last night, I checked in with her to see how she was feeling about that, and she told me that she wasn’t at all sure. So, this morning, while I was disconnected from the Internet we talked about this more. From what I understand of that conversation, Patience has been feeling a bit depressed lately, and she has been feeling as though we were in something of a negative feedback loop.
As she described it, it felt as though she would slack in her responsibilities a bit, and then I would slack in mine. Then with that new space that I was giving her, she would slack in hers again, and slowly everything just slipped away. While I agree with her on this point (because I know that this happens quite a bit) I also mentioned that there may be something else to it. I know that lately I have wanted to stop us both from slacking in our roles, but I didn’t feel like I was able to. Specifically, when I started to notice that she was slacking in her roles, I wanted to step in and punish her, I wanted to correct her behaviour, but I just felt that I couldn’t do that.
You see, lately there has been a number of times that I have tried to push Patience back on track with her D/s commitments, but each time that I would do that, she would rebuff my efforts or end up being all defensive about them. It wasn’t like she was fighting with me or yelling at me or anything like that about them, but it was just this constant pressure that I would feel whenever I brought something like this up. And yesterday there was another one of those things.
As it was getting late yesterday night, I noticed that we weren’t talking a whole lot. I was rambling a bit, I think, but I don’t think that we were actually engaged in conversation. But, I noticed that it was just about time for her to go to bed. I mentioned this to her, and told her to say her goodnights to the people that she was talking to online. …And then I went back to talking to her about nothing in particular. Some 10 minutes later, I looked at the clock and I noticed that she was late to bed. I grumbled a bit and mentioned that she should have gone already.
Her response, which wasn’t necessarily incorrect, was that I was talking to her, so she thought that I had meant to keep her up. This isn’t really the way that this happens for us though. For us, typically, if I want her to stay up with me to talk some more, I tell her that. And on the rare occasions that I was still talking about something important and I didn’t notice the time, she has always had the sense to cut in quickly to ask if she should be staying up a few minutes longer. This time, however, she didn’t do that, and worse, I wasn’t even talking about something important or interesting. I was just hyper and wanting to fill the empty space with random chatter.
But when I brought this up, she just kept getting more and more defensive about it. Eventually, I just dropped it, sent her to bed, and considered it a loss. :/ This is the type of thing that has been happening a lot recently. Even when she was feeling really submissive a couple weeks ago, I noticed that things like this would happen, that when I would call her on something that I didn’t like she would get defensive and argumentative, instead of trying to understand and learn. And this has been making it somewhat hard to mark sure that I continued to be that strong dominant figure that she, at least some of the time, claims to need.
Top 5 Kinks
But, after talking about all of this, I think that we started to sort a few things out. And we even had some time to talk about things that were about more fun. ^_^ Including: Our top five kinks!
Here are mine:
- Technological Bondage
And these are hers:
- Behaviour Modification
Another thing that I did today was call to check on how my father was doing. I know that I haven’t posted here about this, but my father has taken ill lately and not in a minor way. Over the last week, he has been experiencing quite a lot of confusion and having a lot of stomach and intestinal problems. When I last called him (on father’s day last week), he mentioned that he wasn’t feeling very good, but when I was talking to him he sounded mentally fine.
Well, that changed the day after Father’s Day. Apparently, my brother went over to see him and when he got there, my father was sitting in his chair convulsing. My brother called 911, as you should if that ever happens to anyone around you, and he was taken to hospital for treatment. Along the way he ended up coming back to consciousness and he mentioned that he was confused. He didn’t know the names of some of the times around him and he couldn’t name some of the things that he was thinking or feeling.
By the end of the day, this aphasia-like symptom progressed. He couldn’t tell the doctors where he was, nor did he know the time, date, or year. Apparently, he felt like he knew what they were, but when asked, he just couldn’t answer the questions.
Fast-forward to a day or so later and my father decided that it was a good idea to sign himself out of the hospital. When he the nurses and doctors did everything that they could to convince him not to. But, he’s my father, and that is the thing that he does. So, he went home, slept for a bit, and then decided that his television wasn’t working to his liking. He pulled the entire thing apart (every cord from every box) and started trying to put it back together.
When my brother stopped by to check on him later that day, he found my father on the floor, surrounded by cords from his television, desperately trying to connect his cigarette case to this cable box with an HDMI cable. :/ When my brother started talking to him about what he was doing, things got even weirder. She spoke as if he knew what he was talking about, but the words that he was using just weren’t making any sense.
For example, when he was asked what was wrong with his television, he said something to the effect of “I told you. You have to run the wire through the basket, and put the wet thing against the couch.” Then when asked about where his phone was, he would answer something like “The remote is in the sink. It wasn’t working so I had to plug it in”
So… Needless to say, he is back in the hospital again. From what I can tell, they haven’t the faintest idea what is happening with him, but right now it is just really scary and confusing. Though, honestly, I think it is more scary that this could be something like Alzheimer’s, something that could be genetic and waiting for me and my brother.