[Journal] Working through self-destructive perfectionism

[Image] A coffee stain on a white peice of paper with the word Perfectionist typed across it

Image by LordEfan

Here is something that you should know about me: I’m a perfectionist.

I mean, like, really, really a perfectionist. I am not one of those

Interviewer: “What is your biggest weakness?”

Interviewee: “I’m a perfectionist”

people. I am one of those perfectionists that their perfectionism actually cripples their productivity. I have gotten to the point where I can’t start on projects (including projects I am super passionate about) until I think about everything that can go wrong (or right) in the process of doing them. I attempt to write, or produce, something of substance only to stop a few words in worried about what my word choice could mean to the reader or if that word is secretly offensive. I waste hours researching things that are only tangentially involved in projects, just so that I better know how people will respond and react to my work. Then, I get tired (or stressed) and I can’t avoid taking a break. I distract, lose my train of thought, and start back at square one again, worrying my way back into a circle.

Of course, this method of dealing with projects is not something that I have developed overnight, so why am I bringing it up now?

Well, it is mostly because of my thesis. As you may or may not know, I am currently working my way through a graduate school program. I am about a year away from having a Master’s Degree, and so far it has been one of the worst experiences of my life (that is a story for another time). As part of my program, I must complete a Master’s thesis on a program of unique research. Because of my academic masochism, with one year left, I have only my thesis remaining. My coursework is finished and behind me, all I need to do is write, analyze, and write more.

This has been the case throughout the summer. This summer, I had no other academic task to perform, I just needed to write. Want to take a guess on what I didn’t do this summer? Yep, I didn’t write. Or, in my mind, I couldn’t write.

I kept trying to, but I kept coming up short. When I did get words onto the page, I would stop almost instantly worrying about what my supervisor would think of my writing or if my word choice was unintentionally offensive. I would have battles with myself over how strong my wording was or my use of cliched forms of writing. Then the really bad thoughts would come. I would tell myself that I should just be writing, I shouldn’t worry about anything like that yet. I should just being producing something!

Rather than taking this as the kick in the pants that I required to get out of this funk, it would just dig me deeper. I would yell at myself for not getting things done, and stress myself out to the point that I couldn’t avoid taking a break. During the break, the thoughts would continue though. I would think:

You’re playing a game!? Really!? You could be writing! WRRIITTINGG!!


You just wasted two hours. You know how much you could have written in two hours? Like 1000-2000 words. That’s 4-8 pages! That’s 1/4 of your introduction!

And, of course, because I was distracting myself from the task at hand, when I would eventually come back to it. (The scribbles and the blank pages) I would feel as though I was just starting again, from nothing. Lately this has been getting so bad that I have been avoiding other tasks solely because I know that I would yell at myself for not using the time more wisely. Worse still, these tasks aren’t even the going to the bar with friends tasks. No. The tasks that I have been avoiding have been the self-care tasks such as showering, taking out the garbage, or doing my dishes.

That’s right, I was basically sabotaging my own physical and emotional health because I felt that I could better use that time. Then, when I didn’t use that time for “better” things, I yelled at myself till I was depressed and unwilling to do self-care (or anything else, really). ( >_< ) It became a cycle.

To be clear, I am not just coming to the recognition that this was a cycle. I knew that I was in a cycle and that the cycle was definitely a bad cycle to be in. I was just somewhat unaware as to how far into the cycle I was. That didn’t hit me until I went out for dinner with a friend. I was treating her to sushi because she had recently left a truly toxic job (I knew, because I worked there too. Again, a story for another time), and during our dinner, I told my friend:

“I am to the point that even sitting down thinking about my thesis makes me feel like I should be doing better, I should be actually writing it.”

It was that moment that I realized how deep I was. This was no longer a small problem, it was a serious, serious issue. My standard course-corrections weren’t working; In fact, they were part of the chorus of thoughts continuing the cycle. Something needed to change.

So today I tasked myself with catching up on the chores that I have been neglecting: showering, sorting out the recycling, doing the laundry. I focused on the tasks in front of me and invasive thoughts about how I could be doing more or doing better were allowed in, but ignored. As I finished task after task, I started to feel better (after all, my environment and hygiene were getting better), and I started to feel more like writing. However, instead of forcing myself to sit down and write the perfect words of my thesis, I figured that I should write here first. Here words matter less. They aren’t a treatise of my education, research, or developed skills; they are my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences.

Here there are poorly phrased sentences and poorly worded paragraphs, but the words (and the meaning behind them can’t be invalidated). And while writing these words, I have been reminding myself what it is like to write, why I enjoy it so, and what can happen if I just let myself go. Maybe my thesis isn’t going to be this perfect piece of academic literature, but why should I care? I am not wanting to be an academic anyway.

So, maybe with these thoughts in mind, I can just sit down and let myself write. Allow my thoughts, experiences, and knowledge flow onto the page.

Or not, that’s okay too.


Dear sweetie,

I want to apologize for everything that happened today. While everything seemed to make sense (for the most part) while it was going on, looking back, I am realizing that I was quite bitch. I want to apologize for that, but I would like to also talk briefly about just where my feelings are coming from and how I am addressing it so that we don’t have many more shitty days like this.


  • I really should have known that talking about hunting would upset you. I understand that hunting is completely against your moral principles. I would never want you to change that just for the sake of dealing with me.

  • I wasn’t aware, however, that your aversion to hunting included animals which could be damage to our crops, our livestock, or our property. I really, honestly thought that this would be an understandable exception without your moral framework.

  • So, when I found myself stumbling in the minefield that is this topic, I decided to put my head down and make a run for it. That was stupid of me, and I apologize.

  • I shouldn’t have implied that our plans would have to change because of this discussion, and I shouldn’t have just bulled through your objections like I did. What I should have done, and what I will try to do in future, is stop and slowly have a deep conversation with you about all of this.


  • For the last little while, I have been realizing that the main thing holding me in Saskatoon (and in Canada more generally) is the degree that I am working on at the moment. There is some serious stress there (thinking about Todd, and writing, and classes, and internships and things), but the biggest amongst them at the moment is my thesis.

  • I have been trying really hard to work on my thesis that it can slowly move towards being completed. However (and as I have said in the past) there isn’t really any short term goals that I can associate with this. To be metaphorical about it, it is like standing at the end of the Canadian shield and looking West across the Prairies. I know that I have to get to the Mountains, but without any landmarks to show that I am heading the right direction, I am terrified to even move.

  • That fear, whether I like it or not, takes a lot of time and energy to deal with. To strains my emotions and leaves me feeling depressed and inadequate.

  • Of course, my feelings of inadequacy shouldn’t be of your concern, but it is hard not to act out after my willpower has been stripped by this.

  • So, I don’t think there is a way for me to avoid the negative emotions tied to this point. However, there are things that I can do to move these negative emotions away from you. For example, I am going to try having my focused thesis time after you go to bed. Since I am a night owl anyway, this might offer me the motivation that I need to get things underway. Also, it might mean that a frustrating night of working on the thesis results in a little emotional fall-out by the time I get up in the morning.

  • I can’t make any promises with this, but I will do my best to limit your exposure.


  • While I think that I have been largely honest with you about my feelings around submission, I do feel like I owe you an apology for my confusion over the matter. I have been giving mixed signals and I can understand why you would be confused about what is happening with that.

  • In all honestly, I am fighting an internal war over whether I would like to be submissive or dominant. Since the fantasy, I have been craving (as I mentioned) some really intense submission. I have been feeling as though it would be nice to approach that fantasy (even if realizing it would utterly stupid).

  • But at the same time, I feel as though you wouldn’t be capable of giving me that. So, there is a feeling of loss there, as though I can’t get one of my needs met by you. That hurts.

  • Then again, I have a part of me that wants to use that energy in a dominant way with you. This part of me wants to be merciless with you, pushing you to do better than you think you can and being completely uncompromising when it comes to my goals for you.

  • But… I am not sure that you are able to do that either. So, I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one. I feel that no matter which side I choose to go with, I will be risking breaking you or causing more stress for you. So, I end up just flip-flopping with no end in sight.

  • I can’t say that I have an easy solution for this one, unfortunately. While I would like to be able to turn one, or both, of these emotions off, we both know that isn’t likely to happen. Instead, I think that I may have to just tough this one out until the intensity of my feelings dissipates or some miracle happens. :(


  • While on the topic of the fantasy… I think that some of my emotions are coming from my inability to discuss the fantasy with anyone. While I would love to talk to you about it, I feel that it is completely unsafe to.

  • For one thing, I know that you the extremity of my fantasies would put you off or scare you. I know that other fantasies have done in the past, and I can’t see how this one would be any different.

  • For a second thing, though, I also feel as though you would judge me for the extremity of the fantasies. Which may or may not actually be the case.

  • Moving forward, I will attempt to let go of this fantasy in favour of a more reasonable one (i.e. socially acceptable one), and I will try not to hold your fear of my dark side against you. I know that your fear comes out of a place of concern for my well-being.


  • And that brings me to another issue that I have been having: solitude. Since leaving my job, I feel as though the only person I have to turn to is you. But, I know that you aren’t always in the emotional place to deal with my whining. So, instead of talking about any of the issues that I have been having (including the ones listed here), I simply shut down… which then heightens my sense of being completely alone.

  • I realize that shutting down and assuming that you aren’t able to handle things isn’t fair to either of us. Moving forward, I will try to talk to you about what is going on with me and trust that, if it starts to overwhelm with you, you will talk me to stop.


  • Lately, this one has been grating on my nerves… a lot. Ever since you decided that you wouldn’t be coming over here for the summer, I have been feeling as though I am doing the very majority of the work in our relationship.

  • This isn’t a new feeling of mine. Rather, this is something that I have been thinking about for years. It is has just flared up again recently as a result of our long time apart.

  • First, I know that you are trying. I know that you aren’t lazy. Neither of those are what I am saying here.

  • What I am saying is that I am working really, really hard to give us what we want to get out of our life, but lately I haven’t been seeing the results. Everything has seemed to get farther away rather than closer. I see myself breaking down from the stress that I am subjecting myself to, and I don’t have anything to show for it. Meanwhile, you seem to be standing still, on as shaky ground as ever.

  • I honestly don’t know how to address this one. I can never feel or understand what if feels like for you to do what you are doing. I can never understand how hard or easy things are for you. Without that information, I feel as though I am destined to feel like I do at the moment about this point, as though I am doing tons of work and getting nowhere, as you cheer from the sidelines.


  • Lastly, and similar to the solitude and work points, I am feeling a bit envious of your position at the moment. Specifically, the fact that you have Andra and myself (as well as family and others around you).

  • I want to be clear, this isn’t a feeling of jealousy. I am not feeling bad about you being with Andra or you spending time with Andra or anything like that. I am happy and glad that you have Andra to turn to. It is nice to see you have someone to spend some time with when you aren’t dealing with for previous 6 points of my bullshit.

  • That said, I do wish that I had someone else to turn to as well. I wish that I could have someone near enough to snuggle them on occasion or spend time with them doing things that we enjoy. That shouldn’t (and doesn’t) distract from the happiness I feel for you as you obtain some of those things, but it also makes me feel sad that I can’t.

  • To address this, I really think that we should talk about some of the things that I feel like I am missing out on and how I can manage to make some (if not all) of them happen without causing undue stress on our relationships. This conversation should probably include how I feel bounded by point 6 and point 2.

In sum, there is a lot on my plate at the moment. Perhaps there are things that you can do to help me while I deal with everything (and more) that I have listed above, but perhaps there isn’t. Either way, I will try not to let this explode on us again, and I am sorry that it did in the first place.

I hope you forgive me,

Leaps of Faith

[Image] A scared turtle, shaking in their shell.So, um.. Hello there.

Did I forget about you? Not really. There has been this recognition in the back of my mind for a long time now that I haven’t been writing as much as I would like to. So.. I decided to try again.

Feel free to count down the days till I disappear again, if you wish.

[Gif] Countdown timer, 4 ... 3 ... timer dies.

About this time last year, I went out and got myself a job. At the time, I was proud of myself, and happy that I even managed. At the time, I hadn’t had an actual job yet. Rather, I was getting by financially through a combination of student loans, scholarships, and being a mooch on my parents.

A year on, everything has changed. You see, I am growing to hate my job. There isn’t a day of work that passes that doesn’t fill me with dread, anxiety, and depression. The store in which I work is starting to collapse around me. The emptiness of the shelves is apparent to all who have been through more than once over the years. My boss fails to respect the hard work of her employees and takes their skills completely for granted.

At the moment, I hate it there. … … … But, I am also completely terrified to leave.

You see, not only has this retail job been the first one that I have ever had, but it also happens to be a job in a field that I love. I work in a sex shop and, as my blogs should tell you, sexuality is kinda my thing. In this job, I have gotten the chance to run anal sex workshops with more than 100 people in attendance, I got paid (at times) to read sexual health information that I would do for fun, and I have gotten paid to learn new bondage ties and use them on complete strangers.

Those aspects of the job are super fun, exciting, and make me want to take on more. But, the time in between just drags on forever. Between these euphoric highs that I experience teaching and learning about sexuality, there is the doldrum of real life. There is stocking shelves, selling products, and dealing with the work environment. And, to be perfectly honest, the first two of those don’t bother me at all. It is the dealing with the work environment that really gets to me.

It has become a daily occurrence lately that my boss would make a completely unreasonable request of her staff. Whether it is doing drywall complete with sanding and painting, or intense computer configuration and IT, she so expects that her employees will bend over backwards for her that she doesn’t even say thank you when the task is completed.

And for all of this (plus some personality quirks that I just can’t stand), my colleagues and I make a poverty wage. Even if I worked full-time for every week of the year, I would not make it above the poverty without the help of a second job. That isn’t right. That isn’t fair to myself or my coworkers.

I just can’t stand it anymore. … … … But my fear paralyzes me.

What if I can’t find something in this field again? Worse, what if I can’t get a job that pays any better or if I can’t get a job that I can actually feel good doing?

And then I swing back to “Oh, maybe it isn’t so bad after all.” But, really, I know that it is. I know that I am more emotional, more depressed, more anxious than I have ever been. And, I know that the job is the reason why … …  but yet, that leap is so terrifying.

This fear makes me hate myself.

*sighs* So, that’s where I am. I am at the edge of a precipice, looking at the leap that I know I need to take. I am looking at how far there is to fall and visualizing the terrible result of doing just that. If only I hadn’t looked down. If only…

Update: Triggers and Aftermath.

Since my last post over on my more academic/serious type blog. I have been through a lot.

The first thing that really happened was that my paper (the one on The Killing of Sister George) did not go over well. I was told that I wasn’t give good mark on the paper because I didn’t examine Alice as anything more than a victim. The prof (my supervisor) then went on to say that there are some out there that would contend that Alice wasn’t a victim at all, but rather the true villain of the film.

At that point, something just exploded in my head. The movie was triggering enough to me (as a survivor of abuse that closely mirrored that Alice was subjected to), but for my supervisor to argue that she wasn’t a survivor at all. I just couldn’t take it. It felt like he was telling me that I wasn’t a survivor, or that what had happened to me had all been my fault. Considering that this is the same bullshit that everyone around me was trying to pull for years (“You should know better than to make him angry”), I just broke. I ran out of the classroom, across campus, collapsed in some high grass and cried. Sobbed uncontrollably. 

If you know me at all, you will know that this isn’t something that I do normally. In fact, I am pretty sure that I have mentioned it on this blog at least once that I don’t cry, even in situations that make most cry. So, you can tell that this really affected me.

After a few more rounds of crying, a long distance phone call to my partner in the UK, and some help from the Women’s Centre on campus, I managed to pick myself up again… or so I thought. However, the severity to which I was triggered through me into the deep-end of the depression pool. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t convince myself to do my teeth or comb my hair, I couldn’t get any work done… Everything just felt completely pointless.

As time went on though, I slowly recovered. It took my almost two weeks to make it back up to doing my entire routine or caring about school at all. Now, I seem to be mostly recovered from that; However, I have noticed that there is a lingering doubt about my writing (both in general and for this specific class).

I mean, I know that I am a decent writer. I know that I have thoughts and words that are worthy of being placed on paper, but, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that they aren’t good enough or that they aren’t right enough. I just feel as though I want to not write, like ever. I know that isn’t realistic. I know that it isn’t even the truth. (I have liked writing in the past, and I am sure that I will again.) But, right now, it just feels like a chore.


Left Waiting: Alone


Some days are like this. Photo by: dragonflaiii

Some days are like this.
Photo by: dragonflaiii

Today is one of those days where I get randomly depressed.

I am not really sure why it happens, I just know that it does, and today is no real exception to that.

This morning, I seemed to be doing well. I was helping my mother deal with her asshat of a former landlord. It wasn’t exactly fun, but the emotions did give me this rush of adrenaline or something similar. But since then, I have basically been twiddling away the day sitting at the computer.

Admittedly, some of that was reading tenancy law… but still, it was all really passive and unproductive.

As the day went on, my mood declined, and now, I am feeling like complete shit, basically.

So where does that leave me? Well, mostly just thinking about things that I really should be.

I am sitting here thinking about all of the things that I didn’t do today. All of the things that I want to do. The life that I want to have, the relationship that I want to have… just everything that I don’t have.

… it sucks…

But, I can’t just drop the thoughts out of my mind. They just keep coming up over and over again.

I worry about the stupidest little things too. I worry that I am not connected enough on social media like facebook and twitter. I worry that I don’t have enough friends or that I don’t do enough to make them happy. I worry that I don’t play with my cat enough or that I am denying her a good life because I have decided to make her a house cat.

But, then again, I think about all of the big things too. I think about how it feels like my partner is drifting away. I wonder if I am holding her back or maybe the other way round. I think about all of the things that we used to do that we don’t anymore. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I fear that my social support network is going to collapse the day that I move to graduate.

And at the same time as all of those are playing, one after another, in my head. I feel like I can’t share this with anyone. I fee like if I told my mother she would just breakdown and start crying again. I feel like if even hint at it with my partner that she would breakdown and I would have to build her back up. I have never felt comfortable bring things like this up to my friends or other members of my family.

… I just feel so alone… I am surrounded by people, I am busy doing work/school things with them all the time, but I just don’t feel connected to them. I just feel like everything is so distant, everyone is so distant. And, what’s more, I feel as though I can’t reach out and bridge that gap because, in two months time, I am going to be leaving them to go to graduate school.

So, right now, I don’t know what else to do but to sit here and wait. Wait for everything to pass. Wait for my emotions to pick up again. Wait to feel like I have something again

Emotional Tug of War of My List of Wants

[Image] A man in blue tugging a rope with all his might

Tug of War
Photo by: scott1723

Over the last little while, I have been thinking a lot about the list of things that I would like to purchase. This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but to me, it is. You see, as most of my friends have noted at one time or another, I live a fairly frugal, minimalist lifestyle. The vast majority of the things that I own are things that have a deep, meaningful purpose to my life. This means that, should I find that I need something new, I don’t hesitate to purchase it, but, at the same time, should something no longer be useful, I tend to pass it to someone to whom it would be.

Thus far, this super utilitarian existence has trained me to not want things that aren’t necessary, and has allowed me a great deal of financial comfort in a financial situation most would not find comfortable. This has been quite nice. However, as of late, it would seem that this training has started to wear off, as I have started to want things again. This sudden change in approach to my financial life has really knocked me off balance and left me feeling rather guilty for my desires.

I mean, the feelings of guilt that I am currently experiencing aren’t something new. Rather, these feelings are ones which I have dealt with many times, and these feelings are ones which, I would argue, have long discouraged me from actually purchasing something that I desire. This is because my feelings of guilt tend to arise from my general feeling that I should not be wanting things that aren’t necessary. I honestly feel that the items that I need should be enough to keep me content for the time being. Given the course of my life up until this point, I really, honestly believe that. However, despite this belief, I still find myself wanting things that are not really necessary.

I would like to believe my list of wants is just some passing craving for something new in my life. But, I fear that it may be something a bit stubborn and difficult than that. I fear that these desires are some deep internalization of the capitalistic, materialistic society in which we live. Or, even more complicated than that, I fear that these desires are actually things that would be somewhat useful afterall, even if only tangentially.

In this latter case, I could be fighting my feelings of desire and guilt, and weighing the pros and cons of purchasing these items for a long time to come. And, judging by the potential benefits that I could get out of the items on this list, this could be a realistic possibility. However, whether together or apart, these items are rather hefty financial commitments, and I am not really sure that they have a place in my budget at the moment. So, whatever the outcome of this emotional tug of war between my desires and my guilt, the outcome is likely to be the same: feelings of financial inadequacy and a continued life of minimalism.



You may have noticed that I missed the featured fetish post for this Friday. I apologize for that; However, I was assigned a writing job for work, so I did that instead. I still love you all though

Also, you may have noticed that this post is shit. I apologize for that too, I don’t know why I can’t seem to write anything of quality at the moment.

Internet Addiction… I think not

[Image] A picture of Firefox with 3 tabs of Facebook open, one in focus

The root of all Internet Addictions.
Photo by: Life Mental Health

Considering the content of my last post–in which I talked about the positive and negative emotions I felt being forcefully disconnected from the Internet–it wouldn’t be surprising if at least a few of my readers thought that it sounded like a case of Internet addiction. So, before I allow that thought to go any further, I want to make this very clear: I do not have, nor have I ever had, an Internet addiction, and neither do you.

I can say this statement with such conviction because, to the best of my knowledge, such a condition does not exist. Of course, this isn’t to say everyone’s interaction with the Internet is perfectly healthy or even benign; Rather, it is to say that the term addiction, which seems to get bandied around quite a bit these days, is a very specific term meant for a very specific situation, and my usage of the Internet is not one of those situations.

So… Just what is addiction?

The term addiction refers to one’s unhealthy physiological dependance on a substance. Whether this dependance be on heroin, alcohol, caffeine, or something else entirely, one can only be said to be addicted to the substance in question if they satisfy the following three criteria:

1) Tolerance. In someone who is addicted to a substance, there must be a clear and increasing tolerance to the substance. This means that, to be said to be addicted to something, one’s body must begin to grow accustom to the substance as it gets used more often. This leads one to require a continuously increasing amount of the substance to achieve the same effect, whether positive or negative.

2) Withdraw. In someone who is addicted to a substance, physical withdraw symptoms must be present when one lacks the substance. These symptoms, which can range from cravings and emotional changes to seizures and death, are always worse than the use of the substance. This often encourages the person to continue using the substance, even if the desired effect has long since faded away.

3) Detrimental. Finally, the use of or means of acquiring that substance must have a clear detrimental impact on one’s physical, emotional, or social well-being. While this may seem like common sense given the negative connotations associated with the term addiction, it is important make this explicit as it often separates healthy actions and activities from far less healthy ones.

Assuming that all three of these conditions are met, it can be said that the person is addicted to the substance that they are using. If this is the case, the person in question more than likely will require treatment. However, if a single one of these isn’t met, the person is deemed not to be addicted to the substance. In these cases, the person in question may still request treatment to help meet their own personal goals regarding the substance, but in general, no clinical intervention is needed.

Internet Addiction…?

The problem with the very concept of Internet addictions is that, in using the Internet, there is little, if any, physical stimulation. In all other addictions, this physical stimulation is present and, even within the definition of addiction itself, needed. However, should we neglect this focus on the physical symptoms and consequences of addiction, the case for an addiction to the Internet doesn’t get much better.

As I mentioned above, for someone to be addicted to something, there must be a withdraw reaction from the stimulus being removed suddenly. Considering how much I used the Internet prior to my disconnection and considering how suddenly I was removed from the Internet, one would expect, should I have an addiction to the Internet, that I would have rather severe withdraw symptoms. This, however, was simply not the case. While I did feel some negative emotions, including loneliness, boredom, anger, and confusion, these emotions were not the cause of some physical change in my body (which in addictions, it would be). Rather, these negative emotions were a completely normal and natural reaction to a situation that had a large impact on my daily routine. Because of this, I would argue that it would have been considerably more unhealthy for me to have not felt these emotions, as this would indicate that, prior to my disconnection, I was not gaining anything from my routine as I had it.

Further, in order to have an addiction to the Internet, one would have to gain a tolerance to the Internet over time. But, how exactly does one develop a tolerance to the Internet? The simple answer, really, is that you can’t. This means that, as you use the Internet, your desire and self-reported need to use the Internet does not increase as a function of itself. Rather, any increase in your need and desire to use the Internet arises solely from outside sources, such as enjoyment of games, requirements of work or school, or desire to learn new information.

Of course, all of this isn’t to say that there aren’t people who could benefit from using the Internet less. In fact, I would argue that I would be one such person. However, in these cases, the main problem with the Internet is not that the person is addicted to it, but rather that the person has developed a bad habit of turning to the Internet for distraction or entertainment, and this has gotten out of hand. While this could still require treatment, to call this addiction, and to treat it as such, would be reckless and potentially dangerous.